


check us out now were partners in life and partners in rhyme look how far weve come were livin the dream

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Karkat and Dave find something unsettling.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 39
Kudos: 198





	1. Chapter 1

KARKAT: THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, DAVE!  
DAVE: what yes it does  
KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY NOT.  
KARKAT: NO WAY.  
DAVE: dude i dont know how i can explain this to you any better i think youre just gonna have to stew in your own ignorance  
KARKAT: AUUUGH!!  
DAVE: yeah its not gonna smell pretty its gonna be rank as hell but what can you do  
KARKAT: YOU’RE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.  
DAVE: naw you love me  
KARKAT: THAT’S DEBATABLE.  
DAVE: wait hold up  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: oh shit nice  
DAVE: somebody left rap lyrics on the table  
KARKAT: OH WHAT, DO YOU HAVE FUCKING RAP LYRIC SENSORS?  
DAVE: no not sensors just more like a seventh sense  
KARKAT: SEVENTH.  
DAVE: yeah my sixth ones for irony  
KARKAT: UGHH  
DAVE: my fifth ones for all around coolness i had to double up taste and smell on number four but it was totally worth it  
KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST.  
KARKAT: SO DID YOUR SEVENTH FUCKING SENSE PAY OFF?  
KARKAT: ARE THEY ACTUALLY LYRICS?  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: DAVE?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: oh my god  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: the  
DAVE: fuck  
KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?  
KARKAT: LET ME SEE!  


ALL THE MIRACLES BE DEAD LIKE FUCKIN GRUBS TO THE SLAUGHTER  
but there’s a new way at to kick it fulla horn honks and laughter  
(AWWW MOTHER FUCK THAT ONLY RHYMES ON PAPER. WHEN I GET MY SAY ON IT IT MAKES NO FUCKIN SENSE. FUCK!)  


hemo overflowin gutters  
MIX THAT RAINBOW TO MUD  
unitin fuckers of mothers  
A DARK CARNIVAL OF BLOOD  


i ain’t got time for fuckin heresies  
I’M ALL AWASH IN DANK NEW THERAPIES  
pavin the way for our dark overlord whats already here  
TRYIN MY MOTHERFUCKIN BEST TO MAKE SOME HEADS REAPPEAR  


(fuck now i all up and made myself at missin those motherfuckers fresh like. note - check refrigerator)  


KARKAT: WELP.  
KARKAT: THIS IS FUCKING GAMZEE.  
DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: i sure as shit hope it is dude  
DAVE: otherwise somebody else in our crews gettin way into this batshit juggalo insanity  
DAVE: i dont think i could handle that  
KARKAT: UGH.  
KARKAT: ME NEITHER.  
KARKAT: NO, IT’S OBVIOUSLY HIM.  
KARKAT: I MEAN IT’S IN HIS USUAL TEXT COLOR.  
KARKAT: ACTUALLY.  
KARKAT: WAIT...  
KARKAT: OH FUCK THIS!  
KARKAT: I THINK HE’S...  
KARKAT: UGG  
KARKAT: HE'S WRITING IN HIS OWN BLOOD!  
DAVE: oh man  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: YEAH WELL BELIEVE ME  
KARKAT: THAT IS THE BEST POSSIBLE OPTION.  
DAVE: no dude the best possible options a pen  
DAVE: that or he just throws himself off the meteor forever  
KARKAT: I JUST MEAN IF HE’S GONNA WRITE IN BLOOD, I’M REALLY FUCKING GLAD IT’S HIS OWN.  
DAVE: ug that means he had to bleed extra to make all those stupid notes when he fucked up like when he thought he could goddamn rhyme slaughter with laughter  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: oh my god fuck this guy  
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY.  
KARKAT: OH JESUS SHITTING CHRIST THERE’S MORE ON THE BACK.  
DAVE: fuuuck  


MY HARSHWHIMSY’S UP AND TINGLIN  
i ain’t no solitary clown  
LIFE AND DEATH’S ALL INTERMINGLIN  
let’s throw this motherfucker down  


I BEEN HONIN AT MY MURDER SKILLS  
keep those fuckers up and tight  
BUT NOW I’M HONKIN AT MY WORDIN ILLS  
(ills? what the fuck am i on at gettin my mean at with ills? motherfucker i gotta work in “kills” somehow. shit’s all about bein so fuckin obvious when i get my see on it after. honin at my murder kills? maybe? fuck!)  


FUCKIN ANYWAY...  


bro im cookin up a sandwich  
UP AND SLATHERED ALL THAT JAM ON  
so come get all on up at me  
WE’LL GET OUR MOTHERFUCKIN SLAM ON  


KARKAT: WHAAAAAAT  
DAVE: oh no  
DAVE: you dont think like  
DAVE: you dont think this is about me do you  
KARKAT: DAVE WHY IN THE NAME OF GRUBFUCK WOULD THIS BE ABOUT *YOU?*  
DAVE: i just mean  
DAVE: it kinda sounds like a rap challenge  
KARKAT: DOES IT?  
KARKAT: THIS SEEMS LIKE A ROUGH DRAFT AT *BEST.*  
DAVE: well ok fine but its workin its way up to one right  
DAVE: and if anybodys gonna be gettin smacked in the face by rap gauntlets all getting thrown down out of the sky on nasty blood soaked scraps of paper like confetti you gotta admit karkat  
DAVE: its gonna be me  
KARKAT: UHHHH  
DAVE: yeah thats definitely it he musta left this here for me  
DAVE: damn  
DAVE: i mean it was pretty much fate it was bound to happen someday  
KARKAT: WHY THE *FUCK* WAS THIS BOUND TO HAPPEN?  
KARKAT: THIS IS THE WEIRDEST SHIT EVER, DAVE. THERE IS NO FUCKING *WAY* THIS WAS "BOUND TO HAPPEN!"  
DAVE: yeah but way back i remember he came at me like this he was all up in my business tryna rap with earths finest  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: HE *WAS*???  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: and also like maybe  
DAVE: now that i think about it in retrospect  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: hitting on me?  
KARKAT: WHAT????  
DAVE: a little  
KARKAT: WHY IN THE TENDER CARESS OF *FUCK* DID YOU NEVER TELL ME THIS??  
DAVE: dont worry dude i havent been like pining for the touch of a clown  
KARKAT: EUUGH  
DAVE: damn thatd be a perfect name for one of your books  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD.  
DAVE: no honestly i totally forgot about it it wasnt like a pivotal moment in my life or anything  
DAVE: that was not an isolated case pretty much all the trolls were tryna get a piece back then  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: i mean rap wise obviously not like everybody was all clamoring tryna get with me in a romantic type way  
KARKAT: ... ...  
DAVE: shit ironically enough pretty much the only troll who didnt come and throw down with the king was you  
KARKAT: ... ... ...  
DAVE: again im talkin purely in rap terms  
KARKAT: JUST KILL ME NOW.  
DAVE: but hey check us out now were partners in life and partners in rhyme look how far weve come were livin the dream  
KARKAT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.  
DAVE: point is tho i totally forgot about it it was not a big thing in my life at all  
DAVE: but now i got em in front of me again id recognize these psychopathic juggalo rhymes anywhere its clear as an empty bottle of faygo someone mercifully dumped down the drain  
DAVE: and i distinctly remember having the best rap off in the history of paradox space with this absolute fucking weirdo  
KARKAT: UGG, YOU MEAN YOU ACTUALLY ENGAGED WITH HIM?  
KARKAT: WHY THE *FUCK* DID YOU DO THAT, DAVE??  
DAVE: what cmon this was way before i knew what was goin on this was when i thought he was just some brilliantly horrible ironic juggalo troll  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: i mean like a human kinda troll  
DAVE: but not like a human troll hybrid not like if you and i break out the ectobiology and have kids someday  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: uh nothing i just mean i thought he was like a human masquerading as a troll  
DAVE: but not like a trollsona  
DAVE: just like  
DAVE: what the human word used to mean  
DAVE: just like  
DAVE: a huge asshole  
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING DONE OR DO YOU WANNA DIG THIS HOLE DEEPER?  
DAVE: no i think im done  
KARKAT: GREAT.  
KARKAT: SO WHEN YOU TWO WERE MAKING FUCKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER...  
KARKAT: WAS IT LIKE THIS?  
DAVE: what do you mean  
KARKAT: I MEAN WAS IT ALL  
KARKAT: FUCKING  
KARKAT: MURDER HAPPY?  
KARKAT: WAS HE TALKING ABOUT FUCKING GUTTERS OF BLOOD AND GODDAMN “MURDER KILLS?”  
DAVE: oh yeah definitely  
DAVE: i mean it was a long fucking time ago by now i couldnt repeat it back to you word for word or anything  
DAVE: even my extreme lyrical giftedness doesnt give me perfect recall or anything god i wish  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: but it was really fucking similar  
DAVE: definitely had the alternating caps and lowercase thing  
DAVE: like if you and i did a sweet line for line colab  
DAVE: whoa actually...  
KARKAT: SURE WHATEVER  
KARKAT: MAYBE LATER.  
DAVE: nice  
KARKAT: GOD, SO THAT MEANS HE WAS BONDING WITH YOU OR WHATEVER THE FUCK *AFTER* HE WENT INSANE.  
DAVE: oh yeah he was definitely super fucking insane at the time no doubt  
KARKAT: JESUS, THAT’S SO WEIRD.  
KARKAT: I REALLY WISH HE’D PULLED THAT SHIT WHEN HE WAS JUST AN ANNOYING AS FUCK STONER SLASH RELIGIOUS ZEALOT.  
KARKAT: THAT’D BE A WAY EASIER MEDICINE CAPSULE TO SWALLOW.  
DAVE: shit i guess everybodys gotta grow as an artist  
DAVE: like picasso had his blue period  
DAVE: his fucked up face period  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: prolly some other periods too like an apple period a shoe period who the fuck knows  
DAVE: guess gamzees doin his own thing huh dudes got himself a murder period  
KARKAT: I GUESS?  
DAVE: still got the juggalo thing goin pretty strong though huh  
KARKAT: YEP.  
DAVE: like thats not a gimmick thats a straight up constant  
DAVE: thats what his soul looks like  
KARKAT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.  
DAVE: god this guy fucking sucks  
KARKAT: HE REALLY DOES.  
DAVE: ok but like  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: is it like...  
DAVE: is it rude if i dont respond  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK??  
DAVE: you know the guy took the time out to write this whole murderous genocidal love letter  
DAVE: its weird if i dont rap back if i just totally ignore him isnt it  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD!  
KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK CARES!  
DAVE: i donno i just  
DAVE: i dont wanna be a dick  
KARKAT: YEAH WELL I DIDN’T WANT *HIM* TO BE A DICK WHEN HE FUCKING TRIED TO MURDER ME EITHER!  
KARKAT: BUT HE DIDN'T SEEM ALL THAT INTERESTED!!!  
DAVE: oh  
KARKAT: HE WASN’T REALLY EXAMINING THE NUANCED SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS AT THE TIME, DAVE!  
KARKAT: HE WAS TOO BUSY GOING ON A SHITHIVE KILLING SPREE!  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: AND THAT IS A THING THAT I’D REALLY, *REALLY* LIKE TO AVOID HAPPENING AGAIN!  
DAVE: yeah i could see that  
KARKAT: YOU ARE *NOT* GETTING FUCKING MIXED UP WITH THIS GUY, DAVE!  
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY!  
KARKAT: I’M NOT TRYING TO COME OFF AS THE PATHETIC, JEALOUS MOVIE CHARACTER WHO CAN’T STAND TO SEE HIS MATESPRIT IN ANY OTHER QUADRANTS-  
DAVE: oh what the fuck man i am NOT tryna get with gamzee  
KARKAT: I SURE AS SHIT HOPE NOT!  
DAVE: no dude im dead serious  
DAVE: if i ever start talkin like that  
DAVE: fuckin  
DAVE: drown me in the ablution trap  
KARKAT: I WILL.  
DAVE: cuz thats the evil clone  
KARKAT: CONSIDER IT DONE.  
DAVE: or its actually me but ive made some truly terrible life choices trust me i dont wanna keep living that way  
DAVE: this is my dnr  
DAVE: do not  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: remain unmoved if i show any fucking interest at all in that nutjob  
KARKAT: DON’T WORRY, DAVE.  
KARKAT: I’LL DROWN YOU SO HARD.  
DAVE: thanks man  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.  
DAVE: aw i love you too  
DAVE: is that actually a super romantic thing to say on alternia i bet it is  
KARKAT: SOMETIMES.  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: nailed it  
KARKAT: HAHA  
KARKAT: OK AND IN KEEPING WITH THE FACT THAT I LOVE YOU, I WANT TO OFFER MY *EXTREMELY STRONG SUGGESTION* THAT YOU *CHOOSE* TO NEVER EVER GET FUCKING MIXED UP WITH GAMZEE.  
KARKAT: EVER.  
KARKAT: NOT BECAUSE I’M JEALOUS.  
KARKAT: BUT BECAUSE I REALLY DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU GET DECAPITATED.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: yeah youre right  
KARKAT: I MEAN I KNOW YOU’D PROBABLY JUST COME BACK.  
DAVE: ha  
KARKAT: WHAT I’M SAYING IS I JUST DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO SEE IT.  
DAVE: no i totally get it  
DAVE: shits traumatic  
KARKAT: YEAH IT IS.  
DAVE: jesus christ  
DAVE: youre so right  
DAVE: i dont wanna get all invested in a prolonged clown rap battle who the fuck needs that  
DAVE: we got another year here imagine how much that shit could escalate  
KARKAT: I’M IMAGINING IT.  
KARKAT: AND IT’S HORRIBLE.  
DAVE: worse than me gettin my head chopped off  
KARKAT: SO MUCH WORSE.  
KARKAT: IT’S ACTUALLY THE WORST THING EVER.  
DAVE: yeah i know best case scenario were all dead  
DAVE: worst case scenario i start actually seeing some merit in the musical stylings of icp  
KARKAT: BOTH THOSE SCENARIOS ARE REALLY FUCKING ABYSMAL.  
DAVE: haha ok ok i get it  
DAVE: not crackin open that particular wicked elixir  
KARKAT: EUGHH  
DAVE: but dont you think i should like...  
DAVE: write him a lil something back maybe  
DAVE: tell him im flattered an all but im not on the lookout for any rap hookups casual or otherwise  
KARKAT: I THINK YOU SHOULD LITERALLY PRETEND YOU NEVER SAW THIS DISGUSTING SHRED OF PAPER AND NEVER THINK ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN.  
KARKAT: HE OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T LEAVE THIS HERE FOR ANYBODY TO SEE.  
KARKAT: IT’S A FUCKING MESS. IT’S PRACTICALLY GOT A GROCERY LIST ON IT.  
DAVE: yeah youre right  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ok but what if hes like  
DAVE: yknow  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: watching  
KARKAT: OH  
DAVE: right now  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD!  
DAVE: that motherfucker lives in the walls dude he could totally be keepin close tabs on this conversation as we speak he could be taking notes  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: OK FINE LEAVE HIM A NOTE.  
KARKAT: BUT MAKE IT GOD DAMN FUCKING CLEAR YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED.  
KARKAT: AND I’M FUCKING TELLING VRISKA ABOUT THIS.  
KARKAT: IF HE SO MUCH AS BEATBOXES AT YOU SHE’S FUCKING BRAINWASHING HIS ASS.  
DAVE: yeah thats fair  
DAVE: its honestly kinda weird were lettin him go all free range here  
DAVE: all scuttlin around the vents  
DAVE: eating space rats i assume  
DAVE: writin poetry like nobodys business  
DAVE: its like this weird phantom of the opera type situation weve cooked up for ourselves for no reason  
KARKAT: I'M PRETTY SURE VRISKA’S GOT HIM ON CONSTANT LOW LEVEL PSYCHIC SURVEILLANCE OR SOMETHING.  
DAVE: fucking good  
KARKAT: YEAH, I JUST TEXTED HER ABOUT IT AND ALL SHE DID WAS LAUGH AT ME.  
KARKAT: SHE’S...  
KARKAT: YEP.  
KARKAT: SHE’S STILL GOING.  
DAVE: oh yeah that thing where she does 8 sets of 8 ha’s  
DAVE: all 8 times in a row  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: UG  
KARKAT: WHAT SHOULD I SAY?  
KARKAT: WHAT’S A GOOD COMEBACK?  
DAVE: what nothing dude obviously  
DAVE: there is literally nothing you can say that wont lead to you owning yourself in the face not to mention the fact were straight up asking her for help  
KARKAT: YEAH...  
DAVE: cmon seriously  
DAVE: just put the phone away theres nothin good down that road trust me  
KARKAT: OK.  
DAVE: cool  
KARKAT: WELL ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I GUESS THAT’S AS MUCH REASSURANCE AS WE’RE GONNA GET.  
KARKAT: I THINK VRISKA PRETTY MUCH CONSIDERS YOU MISSION CRITICAL, SO SHE’S NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING THAT ACTIVELY LEADS TO YOU GETTING KILLED.  
KARKAT: PROBABLY.  
DAVE: god damn and here i thought YOU cared about me  
DAVE: thats true love right there you got nothin on vriskas timeless affection for me that shits written in the stars  
KARKAT: BLUH  
DAVE: also what the fuck youre totally mission critical too dude  
KARKAT: SURE.  
DAVE: im fuckin serious karkat you are  
DAVE: and vriska goddamn knows it  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD  
KARKAT: CAN YOU JUST WRITE YOUR ADORABLE LITTLE REJECTION SO WE CAN GO ALREADY?  
KARKAT: EVER SINCE YOU SAID GAMZEE COULD BE WATCHING US FROM THE VENTS I'VE BEEN FREAKED OUT.  
KARKAT: I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.  
KARKAT: NOW I’M JUST... SO FUCKING SURE HE’S UP THERE WATCHING US.  
DAVE: i mean im pretty sure the dude comes and goes as he pleases he could probably see us literally anywhere  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: THE SECOND WE GET BACK WE’RE BOARDING UP THE VENT IN OUR BLOCK.  
DAVE: yeah agreed  
KARKAT: JUST WRITE YOUR THING ALREADY, COME ON!  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: damn  
DAVE: here we go  


not lookin for collabs atm but good shit bro lots of promise keep it up -TG  


DAVE: hows that  
KARKAT: WOW.  
DAVE: shit i feel like eminem in that song stan  
DAVE: gamzees got poor dido at her wits end im just tryna do my art while maintaining a healthy distance with the little people who make it all possible  
DAVE: eminem came out ok in that right  
KARKAT: I MEAN, HE WAS OK.  
KARKAT: I’M PRETTY SURE STAN AND DIDO BOTH DIED, THOUGH.  
KARKAT: THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT.  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: are you dido?  
KARKAT: NO I’M NOT FUCKING DIDO!  
KARKAT: SHE WAS STAN’S GIRLFRIEND!  
DAVE: oh shit really  
KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT DAVE HAVE YOU EVEN *SEEN* THE MUSIC VIDEO?  
KARKAT: IT’S LIKE FIVE MINUTES LONG AND HAS TWO PLOT POINTS!  
KARKAT: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO MISS SO MUCH??  
DAVE: youre probably just remembering the troll version  
KARKAT: NO, I’M FUCKING NOT, DAVE, BECAUSE WE DIDN’T FUCKING *HAVE* EMINEM!  
DAVE: whoa seriously how have you never told me that thats insane  
KARKAT: YOU NEVER ASKED!  
DAVE: well you never told me i didnt think i had to ask that seems like vital info  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: WE HAD DIDO.  
DAVE: thats cool i guess but you know thats not the same  
KARKAT: YEAH...  
DAVE: whatever lets just get outta here  
KARKAT: I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO.  
DAVE: do i just like  
DAVE: leave this here  
DAVE: its not like the guys got a permanent address or anything  
DAVE: mr gamzee troll cupboard under the stairs  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YOU THINK GAMZEE’S LAST NAME IS TROLL.  
DAVE: no hell obviously i dont  
DAVE: its uh  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ok i have no idea what it is  
DAVE: i guess its not troll tho thats my only lead so far  
KARKAT: IT'S-  
DAVE: no i got this i can remember this  
DAVE: its like  
DAVE: marmaduke  
DAVE: or something  
KARKAT: MARMADUKE.  
DAVE: yep pretty sure its marmaduke  
KARKAT: IT'S NOT FUCKING MARMADUKE!  
DAVE: you sure dude  
KARKAT: IT'S MAKARA.  
DAVE: dude that is so much closer to marmaduke than youre giving it credit for  
KARKAT: NO IT'S NOT.  
DAVE: wow i just pulled that right out of my ass i did so much better than i ever expected  
DAVE: anyway ive said marmaduke so many times now thats for sure what im gonna remember from now on  
KARKAT: UGH, FINE! WHATEVER! HE CAN BE FUCKING MARMADUKE! I DON'T CARE!  
KARKAT: LET’S JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.  
DAVE: yeah that sounds good thats fine by me  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: gamzee if youre in the ceiling or whatever  
DAVE: bye dude  
DAVE: please dont follow us  
DAVE: or ever talk to us or especially spy on us  
DAVE: here ill leave you my pen so you dont have to keep writing in your own blood like the biggest fucking creep ever  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: there ya go  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: i know your last names not actually marmaduke ftr  
KARKAT: COME ON DAVE, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  
KARKAT: LET’S JUST GO AND NEVER EVER THINK ABOUT THIS AGAIN.  
DAVE: yeah sounds like a plan thats definitely the thing thats gonna happen  


Tune in tomorrow to see that definitely be the thing that's gonna happen.  



	2. Chapter 2

DAVE: hey  
DAVE: karkat  
KARKAT: MMM  
DAVE: you still awake  
KARKAT: MORE OR LESS.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: i was thinking more about that whole gamzee thing  
KARKAT: REALLY? WHY?  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT WE WERE NEVER THINKING ABOUT THAT AGAIN.  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT WAS DEFINITELY THE THING THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.  
DAVE: yeah i know  
KARKAT: PROMISES WERE MADE, DAVE.  
DAVE: haha yeah  
DAVE: its just  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: well i guess ive been thinking more about that big conversation i had with him  
DAVE: you know the one where we had that sweet rap battle  
KARKAT: HOW COULD I FORGET?  
DAVE: yeah well the thing is i guess i did kind of  
KARKAT: WHAT? FORGET?  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: because now im remembering more of it  
DAVE: and like  
DAVE: im pretty sure  
DAVE: he actually may have  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: COME ON, DAVE, SPIT IT OUT.  
KARKAT: THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING YOU COULD SAY ABOUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER THAT’D SURPRISE ME AT THIS POINT.  
KARKAT: JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK ELSE HE DID.  
DAVE: ok i think  
DAVE: he kinda  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: actually  
DAVE: blamed  
DAVE: me  
KARKAT: BLAMED YOU?  
KARKAT: FOR FUCKING WHAT?  
DAVE: for like  
DAVE: telling him his entire religion is a lie  
KARKAT: HIS ENTIRE RELIGION *IS* A LIE.  
DAVE: yeah i know but like  
DAVE: it apparently hit him hella hard when i did it  
DAVE: really fucked him up  
KARKAT: ...OK  
DAVE: and now that im thinking it over more im pretty sure that like  
DAVE: the whole reason he went fucking insane in the first place  
DAVE: is me  
KARKAT: ...IS THAT WHAT HE TOLD YOU?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: yeah?  
KARKAT: SIIIIGH  
KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS, DAVE?  
KARKAT: YEAR FUCKING THREE?  
DAVE: no i swear to god karkat it just totally slipped my mind  
DAVE: im not sure i ever would have remembered it if i hadnt seen that stupid fucking rap  
DAVE: it just triggered something in me it shook loose that one weird as hell memory out of the big swaying hammock of a lifetime of fucking troll convos swinging from the roof of my brain  
KARKAT: OK.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: DO *YOU* THINK YOU’RE THE REASON?  
DAVE: fuck i dont know  
DAVE: maybe?  
DAVE: does that even matter he sure as shit seemed to think i was if anybody knows it oughta be him right  
KARKAT: THAT’S DEBATABLE.  
DAVE: ok but like  
DAVE: if that was actually me  
DAVE: then that means im technically responsible  
DAVE: for that whole  
DAVE: thing  
DAVE: that whole murder spree  
DAVE: i got nepeta and equius killed  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: i almost got you killed  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: DAVE.  
KARKAT: LISTEN TO ME.  
KARKAT: IF WE START LISTING ALL THE WAYS YOU “TECHNICALLY” ALMOST GOT ME KILLED, WE’RE GONNA BE UP ALL FUCKING NIGHT.  
DAVE: uggg  
KARKAT: FUCK  
KARKAT: THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE REASSURING.  
DAVE: dude how is that reassuring  
KARKAT: I JUST MEAN THAT PART OF OUR LIVES WAS SUCH A CLUSTERFUCK.  
KARKAT: SO MUCH SO THAT THAT ROAD GOES BOTH DIRECTIONS, BY THE WAY.  
KARKAT: I FUCKING MADE YOUR UNIVERSE, SO ANY TIME ANYTHING GOES WRONG, YOU COULD TECHNICALLY COME GIVE ME SHIT ABOUT IT.  
DAVE: technically  
KARKAT: YEP.  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: COME ON, DAVE. EVERYTHING’S DANGEROUS.  
KARKAT: THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS.  
KARKAT: BUT WE’RE STILL HERE, SO THAT MEANS THAT WHATEVER DANGEROUS SHIT WE DID, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO IT.  
KARKAT: WHO KNOWS. MAYBE YOU *ARE* THE REASON GAMZEE FUCKING SNAPPED.  
DAVE: uggggg  
KARKAT: BUT IT PRETTY MUCH SEEMS LIKE THAT’S WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN.  
KARKAT: SO IF YOU *HADN’T* DONE IT, YOU AND I WOULDN’T BE HERE RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: AND I DON’T WANT TO NOT BE HERE.  
KARKAT: DO YOU?  
DAVE: not want to be here?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: no i do  
KARKAT: GOOD.  
KARKAT: THEN IT DOESN’T MATTER.  
DAVE: so what im just not supposed to feel guilty because everythings preordained or some nihilistic garbage  
DAVE: im just off the hook for everything thats so lame it shouldnt be like that  
KARKAT: IT DOESN'T REALLY SOUND LIKE YOU’RE OFF THE HOOK.  
KARKAT: IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE MAKING YOURSELF FUCKING MISERABLE.  
DAVE: ok but apparently youre letting me off the hook  
DAVE: and youre the one who actually almost got hurt  
KARKAT: YEAH, BUT YOU’RE NOT THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY TRIED TO HURT ME.  
KARKAT: YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON!  
KARKAT: WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO, ANYWAY?  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: ok bear with me i know this is gonna sound dumb as all shit but  
DAVE: i sent him a music video  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: yeah miracles you know that incredibly stupid icp song about the magnets  
DAVE: i sent it to him  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: THAT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I’VE EVER HEARD.  
DAVE: man i told you  
KARKAT: HAHAHAHA!  
DAVE: come on dont laugh this is serious  
KARKAT: NO, DAVE.  
KARKAT: IT’S REALLY, REALLY NOT.  
DAVE: fuck you yes it is im incredibly fucking upset about this  
KARKAT: THAT’S *ACTUALLY* WHAT YOU DID?  
KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT FUCKING WITH ME HERE?  
DAVE: no im not fucking with you look at me this is really fucking me up  
KARKAT: SHIT.  
KARKAT: I’M SORRY, DAVE.  
KARKAT: <3  
DAVE: sigh  
KARKAT: BUT LISTEN. IF THAT’S ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED, THEN...  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW...  
KARKAT: YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.  
DAVE: what do you mean your blessing like a you almost got me killed blessing  
KARKAT: YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN.  
DAVE: karkat what the fuck  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST ALL SO FUCKING STUPID. AND RIDICULOUS.  
KARKAT: AND WHO KNOWS. THE FORCES THAT APPARENTLY GOVERN OUR EXISTENCE ARE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID AND RIDICULOUS THEMSELVES, SO MAYBE IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE.  
KARKAT: BUT I ALSO KIND OF CAN’T BELIEVE THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT.  
DAVE: you think i did something else  
KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: GOD NO.  
KARKAT: I JUST THINK SOMETHING ELSE PROBABLY SET HIM OFF.  
KARKAT: OR HE WAS JUST ALWAYS GONNA BE LIKE THIS.  
KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.  
KARKAT: THE POINT IS: I AM NOT GOING TO STAND IDLY BY AND LET YOU BEAT YOURSELF UP BECAUSE YOU PLAYED A JUGGALO SONG FOR A FUCKING JUGGALO.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ok i mean i guess when you put it like that  
KARKAT: YEAH, SEE?  
DAVE: god that sounds fucking stupid  
KARKAT: HAHA IT REALLY DOES.  
DAVE: hahah  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: im still so fucking sorry though  
KARKAT: WELL THEN... I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.  
KARKAT: DOES THAT HELP?  
DAVE: eh  
DAVE: could be better  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD.  
DAVE: no im kidding  
DAVE: it uh  
DAVE: kinda does actually  
DAVE: i guess im glad i remembered it and we talked about it at least  
KARKAT: GOOD.  
DAVE: man what are we gonna do about gamzee though  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
DAVE: i mean do you think he still blames me  
KARKAT: HMM.  
KARKAT: WELL, WE’VE BEEN HERE ALMOST A WHOLE FUCKING SWEEP.  
KARKAT: HAS GAMZEE EVER SAID A SINGLE GODDAMN WORD TO YOU IN ALL THAT TIME?  
DAVE: ...no  
KARKAT: OK THEN.  
KARKAT: IF HE WAS LOOKING TO GET REVENGE, I THINK IT WOULD HAVE TO HAVE HAPPENED BY NOW.  
KARKAT: THIS PLACE IS SO FUCKING BORING. IF I WAS GONNA MURDER SOMEBODY, I DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE BEEN DRIVEN TO IT BY NOW.  
DAVE: you know sometimes dude you slip just a little bit into alternia style thinking not gonna lie its kinda creepy  
KARKAT: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP!  
DAVE: you got any big murders on the back burner just waitin for a rainy day  
KARKAT: COME ON, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK I MEAN!  
DAVE: haha yeah i do im just messing with you  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: I MEAN IF ANYTHING THAT WEIRD AS SHIT RAP KIND OF MAKES IT SOUND LIKE HE  
KARKAT: UM  
DAVE: likes me?  
KARKAT: UGG.  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: god damn i dont want that im not at all sure thats preferable  
KARKAT: YEAH. ME NEITHER.  
DAVE: what do you think-  
HONK  
DAVE: !  
KARKAT: !!!  
DAVE: (what the fuck)  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  
DAVE: (dude call vriska)  
DAVE: (im gonna check-)  
KARKAT: DAVE-  
DAVE: (shhhh)  
DAVE: (wait)  
DAVE: (fuck)  
KARKAT: WHAT???  
DAVE: what the fuck  
KARKAT: DAVE WHAT IS IT????  
DAVE: holy shit its another fucking note he mustve slid it under the door  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT SAY???  
DAVE: ummm  


WHAT’S UP MY SQUISHLY LITTLE STAR MONKEY NINJA?  
i’m all about bein flattered at myself and shit  
BUT I’VE BEEN ALL UP AND SEEIN AT THE GREAT MIRACULOUS MYSTERIES WHAT’S TO COME,  
and gettin my spit on at some dank fires with your bad self ain’t part of that particular wicked plan.  
I GOT MY SIGHTS SET GHOSTIER  
and more  
PEANUT BUTTERY.  
sorry.  
;o(  
AND DON'T GET TO WORRYIN, I WAS ALL TELLIN IT AT YOU IN THE BEFORE TIMES:  
we’re mother fuckin even.  
ONE DAY THE TRUE MIRTHFUL MESSIAH’S COMIN TO GET TO HANDIN ALL OUR UNWORTHY BACKSIDES BACK AT OUR OWN SELVES,  
but tonight ain’t about bein that night.  
SO FUCKIN GO FORTH WITH MY SWEET STRAWBERRY BROTHER AND GET YOUR MULTIPLICATIONS ON  
while you still got the mother fuckin time.  
HONK  


DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: oh my god dude  
DAVE: did gamzee just fucking turn me down  
KARKAT: UHHHH  
DAVE: he did he totally did  
DAVE: well this sucks  
KARKAT: DAVE, WE WERE JUST FUCKING SCARED FOR OUR LIVES!  
KARKAT: AND IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE HE’S... LETTING YOU DOWN EASY?  
KARKAT: THIS SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING FINAL.  
KARKAT: TRUST ME.  
KARKAT: THIS IS THE BEST *POSSIBLE* OUTCOME.  
DAVE: yeah yeah i know  
DAVE: still kind of a blow to the ego tho you know  
DAVE: my sense of self worth just took a massive dump all over itself it smells like shit and bike horns  
KARKAT: SORRY.  
DAVE: also what the fuck is this mess at the end did we just get his fucking matesprit blessing man i dont want that  
DAVE: are we like clown married now or something is that a thing  
KARKAT: I... HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.  
DAVE: great  
KARKAT: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE’S GONNA LEAVE BOTH OF US ALONE, THOUGH, SO THAT’S GOOD.  
DAVE: yeah true i guess bein clown marrieds a small price to pay for peace of mind huh  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: wait whats this peanut butter bullshit does this mean anything to you  
KARKAT: UGG  
KARKAT: I REALLY DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, WHATEVER IT IS.  
KARKAT: IT SOUNDS LIKE WE’RE DONE WITH THIS CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER, AND THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  
DAVE: yeah me too  
KARKAT: COME ON, LET’S GO BACK TO BED. I WANT TO NOT FUCKING THINK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: hey karkat  
KARKAT: YEAH DAVE?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: does this mean gamzees actually eminem  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD!  
DAVE: and im stan  
KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP!  
DAVE: hey you get to be dido after all it all worked out  
KARKAT: YES, I’M DIDO! I CAN FINALLY SLEEP EASY!  
KARKAT: NOW FUCKING CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JOIN ME!  
DAVE: k  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: hey karkat  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, WHAT?  
DAVE: thanks for uh  
DAVE: talking my dumb ass down earlier i needed that  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: OF COURSE.  
DAVE: i love you man  
DAVE: im glad were maybe possibly clown married  
KARKAT: HEH  
KARKAT: ME TOO.  



End file.
